I wish I believed in God, because I'd love to have a chat. Hey, why'd my friend Rich die? How come babies are born HIV positive? What about human trafficking? Genocide? Rape? Emotional agony? You having fun up there? That's what I'd like to say, and that's why I would love to believe in God. I can't make you believe in not believing in God. And you ain't converting me. Just saying.
You believe what you want to believe. That's your humanity-given right. But I'm going to do the same. I've given it quite a lot of thought. I've read the Bible cover to cover. Have you? It's a weird, but interesting read. I'd give it four stars.
We're fucking idiots. Listening to the radio on the way home. The lyrics are supposed to be "with my dick in your mouth" and they replaced it thusly: "with my gat in your mouth." Think about that for a second. We're OK with talking about putting a gun in someone's mouth, but we're NEVER going to say dick.
I'd rather my kid hear dick than gat if they have to hear one.
I'm not saying don't fuck me. But fuck you, too. I'm mad today because everyone is shortsighted. I would greatly appreciate it if you would ask yourselves the following questions. They're easy, but you gotta think about your answer.
1) Do you care who other people have sex with, and if yes, why?
2) Do you really think that someone's skin color or religious beliefs trump their value as a human?
3) Does it really make sense to set your country up so assholes get super rich and most people suffer?
That's it. Three questions.
I'd ask God those questions and straighten things out if I could.
I'm sure I believe some stuff that's debatable. I know I do. But I don't understand why anyone would care what anyone else does unless it affects them or society. Every person gets to think, wear, and, within reason, say whatever they want. My five year old understands that.
Hey God? Where were you during the Holocaust. See? That's just one of the reasons. You want me to believe that God created the Earth so he could FUCK with us? Look around you. Things aren't going great in the world. If there's a God, then he dropped the reins or he's a sadist. Or she. It. Whatever.
I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm just telling you what I believe. I won't even knock on your door and do it in person. I don't care if you believe what I believe. Remember that part? Worship fairies. Join a cult. I don't fucking care. As long as it doesn't cause harm.
How could so many stupid people make something so simple so complicated? Everything in life can be put into two categories. Things that hurt people or society. And things that don't affect anyone except the person doing them. That second group of people should get to do whatever the fuck they want. Not only is it right. It's a right. Pursuit of happiness and all that.
The founding fathers you love to talk about would start the revolution if they were here right now.
Are you kidding?
Dear God. It's me, Dan. If you exist, you have a lot of explaining to do. If you don't, and things are the way I think they are, it would have been really nice if humans had stopped evolving right around the time they discovered language. We don't need bombs or laptops and cell phones. We really don't.
We could be living in a natural paradise right now, but we screwed it up. And we keep screwing it up. And pretty soon the ocean will be sludge and all the rich CEOs and politicians will shrug their shoulders and go, "welp, we had a lot of fun with the money. So, there's that." And we'll all fucking starve.
Or we will be forced to put aside our petty differences and just do what animals do. Eat. Sleep. Try not to die. It's not fucking complicated.
So, that's it, God. Thanks for letting me pretend to have this talk with you. My Nana didn't deserve to die the way she did, by the way. And you should really think about sparing the kids.
For Christ's sake.
#2minutesgo Tweet it! Share it! Shout it from the top of the shack you live in! I will be out most of the day, but I'll be back...#2minutesgo Tweet it! Share it! Shout it from the top of the shack you live in! I will be out most of the day, but I'll be back...