2 Minutes. Go!

I saw your lips move, the shock cross your features, and then you broke, and crumbled inward. It was both horrifying and enlightening. I took it right to heart. I can tell you that much. I let it rattle around inside and, eventually, I let it dictate my behavior, but not right away.

You can't seem too eager.

I could see you trying to pull it all back. Wrap it up like a cast net. But I knew it was too late, and I think you knew it, too. 

Some things just are.

Now close your face and let the features settle. Maybe you can placate the rage that is building. Or maybe you'll just have to let this bottle rearrange your dental work. 

2 Minutes. Go!

Boy, sit down and listen. I won't say it twice. There are some things you need to understand; some rules you need to get hip to. I'm gonna hurt you, too, but not for joy. I'm gonna hurt you because pain is the best teacher, and you are one stupid motherfucker.

I don't want to hear your excuses or your rationale. We all got excuses for what it's worth, you're not special just because you think you have reasons.

Your God ain't gonna help you. You think God is stepping in for you when he lets kids get cancer? I don't believe in it one way or another, but you gotta admit - if he's out there, he is one sick motherfucker. 

More like a devil if you ask me.

Really? I think we all got angels and devils inside us. It's time you met the total package.

2 Minutes. Go!

For whatever reason, I grew up thinking that I was a bad person. I thought everyone around me was in on something I wasn't. I felt this way well into my thirties. Come to find out, I am basically a saint compared to the sick, twisted fucks who run this country.

I thought I was shady, but I have been honest about my flaws, my shortcomings. I have never tried to hide any of it, and I have NEVER hurt someone else just because I could or because they had something I wanted. 

I do not steal, and I don't think anyone should. I will also tell you the truth if you ask me a question. I'll tell you the truth even if you don't ask.

I didn't know how many people lie so easily. 

I grew up feeling guilty, but not knowing what I was guilty of. Now, I see that there are people everywhere who are predators, users, cheats and abusers. They don't feel guilt, and I just can't wrap my mind around that. It doesn't make any sense to me. 

I'm tired of this. Frankly, I just want off the ride. Tell the carnies. They don't even have to stop the cars, I'll jump out while they're moving. 

Anything to get away from these humans and their sick, sad "humanity."

2 Minutes. Go!

I'll try to explain it to my grandchildren...how we broke the unbreakable. How we took an ideal that the world respected and shit on it. How some people hated a few folks more than they loved everyone. I'll show them pictures of kids in ICE custody, and I'll ask them to wrap their minds around it if they can...how selfish misery can poison the communal well.

They'll have questions, and I'll tell them about their great-grandfathers signing up to fight the Nazis in WWII. I'll show them that history moves in cycles...I'll allow them to see what I have come to learn: People are selfish and small. Most people are just trying their best, but there are some who want to bend the universe to their will. Indulge their dark desires.

They will pass on. But the same philosophies will come to roost, again and again. 

I'll cry with my grandkids. I'll hold them as close as I can, and I will try to make sure they see reality...this is not about brown people, this is not about queer people. This isn't even about immigration. It is about the broken taking power, which they are very good at. 

Scruples can be a handicap. I've got tons of them. They make this thing called living pretty tricky, but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

I'll lend a hand to anyone, but I won't stick it up in the air like a fucking fascist for you or anyone else.

Fuck that.

2 Minutes. Go!

You need to hold the knife gently. Delicately. Not with a fist, but with fingers, your pointer finger on the spine of the blade. The blade is sharp. Muscle is not required. In fact, gravity will be more than enough force. Just guide the steel.

A blade this sharp opens flesh like a sigh. A release of tension. It passes through flesh with a whisper. 

If your subject is still living, they might not even feel the cut. Or it will feel like a paper cut. An itch. One can be cut to the bone and not even know it. Of course, if you're cutting dead flesh, delicacy is an afterthought, but the blade must still be sharp. 

Clean cuts, clean mind. Hear the words. Incision. Scalpel. Suture. 

Feel the numb in your throat as one last chunk of Adderal turns to goo in your nose and slithers down your throat. You aren't wearing white. 

You ARE wearing gloves. 

This was pre-ordained. It was already written. 

All that was necessary was the coda.

2 minutes. Go!

The contact was incidental. Skin brushing skin...nothing out of the ordinary except for the electric shock. Not static. It was enough to knock you backward. Enough to put you on your defenses. 

Eels and live wires have more in common than just electricity.

The sound started low...a feeling inside more than a sound, but it grew steadily until it blotted everything out. It triggered something inside you. You acted without thinking. Woke up covered in blood, mouthing the words ACTIVATED - SLEEPER CELL. The ushers took you out back for the slice blade. Throat open.

You don't know anything now. You're dead. 

Reboot.

2 Minutes. Go!

I would like to be a bird because birds aren't human. Even the smart ones are just flying around, sneaking snacks, singing pretty songs. 

They don't do anything wrong.

I'd love to be a fish because fish are just swimming. They live in a world thick with life and crowned with colorful bubbles, but they aren't in any hurry. 

Fish don't got no worries. 

I think I should be a alligator, laying in the sun. I could squirm myself down into the mud and wait for a hapless animal to come by, so I could spin it dead.

Not a stray thought in my goddamn head. 

If I had my druthers, though, I'd be a cat. Cats don't give too much of a shit about anything. Cats are napping when they aren't being apex predators. Veld editors.

Me?

I'm always hiding from creditors.

So, maybe I'll just be ash. Not dust. Dust is chaos. I've seen enough chaos. Ash is noble. 

Ash used to be something.