Monday, May 7, 2012

The Ice Cream Man

The ice cream man is your life. You are forever late and chasing the dangling bells. It's hot, and an ice cream would have tasted all right. But they don't stop. Weird fucking business. Park outside. Let me scramble to find the loose change in the pants that cover my floor like roadkill. Give me a minute, brother. I'll be there. I'll take the rocket pop. But you don't ever wait. It's a 'right place at the right time' kind of gig, and I never am. In the right place. At the right time.

I might make it in time to see all the smug motherfuckers eating their ice cream. I smell exhaust and sour milk. What kind of business strategy is this anyway? It's like a drug dealer that runs full speed through the neighborhood calling out 'buds! thizz! shrooms!'. Ain't no way your customer base is gonna chase you down, brother. I don't see any flocks of kids chasing your little wagon. Why don't you chill the fuck out for a second and let me think! Shits always gotta be all rush fucking rush all the time. That's not the way I want to enjoy my ice cream.

So, fuck it. I return to my oven apartment and let the cold water run for years until it is actually cold. I'm all propped up in front of my fan. Whatever. But listen Ice Cream Man; I'm a businessman, too. I got no beef with you, but you might want to reconsider your MO. I would've put that buck 35 right into your hand if you'd been patient. But I guess you're chasing something, too. I wonder what your ice cream is.

9 comments:

  1. Whoever figures out each person's ice cream will rule the world, my friend.

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    1. Truer words were never spoken, or typed, I'm assuming you said them out loud as well.

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    2. The truest words must always be spoken as well as written, don't you agree?

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Of course, plus...well, any excuse to talk to myself really.

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  3. I'm now more concerned about what that ice cream bastard is putting into my ice cream.

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  4. As well you should be, Rich.

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  5. I would like to read more of your thoughts, but would enjoy it much better without the heavy peppering of foul expletives.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. Send me your email and I'll send you a story with all the naughty words X'd out.

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