I’m tired of comparisons, but I can’t stop. Do you have more money than me? A better car? Are you thinner? Better dressed? Do you appear confident at all times, not like someone about to be found out? Do you thrill to your colleagues mortgage stories instead of awkwardly nodding? Do you see everything about me as a reflection of me? You do? Cool, me, too...about you.
I’m tired of feeling like an imposter. I’m not one, but I feel like one. Like everyone understands better than me. Like everyone remembers the stupid acronyms they’re supposed to remember. I feel like an emotional fake as well. That’s a weird one. I’m sincerely not as sincere as many of my peers. Or at least it seems that way. I’m no seer.
I don’t want to be scared all the time. Of people's actions or perceptions. Because it wasn’t always that way. I used to care less. Now, I care more. Frankly, the whole thing is careless.
Risky. Ill-advised.
I want to have genuine conversations. I want to feel connections. I want to care about the little things on your mind, even if I don’t share the little things on mine. I want to laugh at the right times.
I’m tired of overthinking things. I’m sick of this hamster wheel. I’ll give you a dollar, please tell me how to feel.
It's the internet's fault.
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