You were made for this. That's what you need to understand. There is happenstance, true, but this was all deliberate. You are fighting a war you don't see or understand. That's enough to make anyone look over their shoulder, hoping not to feel the creepy anxieties wash over you.
The maker is long gone. He checked out right around the time that things started getting hectic. Isn't that the way. Create them, show them the garden, disown them, and bounce. It's written in the stars. You can't fuck with prophecy.
When it's all done, you'll feel a sense of relief you didn't earn. You'll pat yourself on the back if you're able because you've fought and won, or so you think. Everything rusts. And, eventually, everything sinks.
I feel like there's so much more to this that came before and continues after.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the anonymust person above and I want to read the more. This is really good.
ReplyDeleteYou’ve such a vivid, matter of fact style that never fails to engage the reader. Your sensory methods make it so easy to feel that the narrator understands and identifies with the reader, flipping the scene around, but you always tell it like it is and still manage to leave us with hope. It’s an awesome piece of writing, Dan. Bravo!
DeleteCreate a safe space, in case the memory goes so sideways that you need to escape into it. Create a safe space? Keep it safe? Keep the darkness and insecurity from creeping into it? We're going to need a lot more time for this step. You need to teach me how to do something that all of my defense mechanisms never quite managed for me. Let's go back to basics. What is this feeling that people identify as "safe"? When your demons can get to you whenever, wherever, and however they want to how do you feel safe? The shadow that started the endless chain reaction of paranoia, fear, doubt, insecurity, and dread has slithered away, back into his underground lair so long ago. But he left the seed inside me. He left his voice. He left his imprint. It lives inside, deep inside where no one can reach it.
ReplyDeleteHow do you untangle yourself from something that you grew up with? Sometimes it's as small as a grain of sand. Sometimes the darkness spreads over me, like ink knocked over in a schoolgirl's desk. Sometimes it dances within me. A snake looking for a charmer. I want to believe you. I want to believe that I can see the world through clear lenses one day, but it feels impossible. It feels intrusive. Most of all, it makes me feel naked. How do I live without my black cape to cover me? I never wanted to need it, to love it, but Patty Hurst isn't the only one who got harmed by too much exposure to torturers. The struggle is real. Have no doubt.
This is a really strong piece. I love the active language and imagery, and the call and response Qs set up the structure nicely.
DeleteYou’ve written the other side of the story, Erin. Whereas Dan left us with hope, you’ve taken it away. You’ve written this in a similar style to Dan, using emotive imagery and leaning heavily on darkness and fear. You’ve shown us a corner of yourself many would choose to hide, and I applaud you for your bravery. It’s a fabulous piece of writing and you should be proud.
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